"Nomp!"

“Nomp Da-Da, Nomp!”

I knew what she was saying, and there was nothing I could do but obey her command.  She looked at me with such earnest expectation and unconditional love that I hardly had a choice in the matter.  I “nomped”.

Saturday was my daughter’s 3^rd birthday.  Awww, my precious “Baby Bear” is three!  She is a girl after my own heart, so full of life, love and laughter that it just makes me want to cry with joy sometimes.  Which helps wash away the memories of worry, prayer, frustration and stress my wife and I  have suffered over our daughter’s ear infections, speech delays, physical challenges, hypo-sensory disorder and the overall general concern one has when raising a child.

She breaks my heart and fills it back again with so much love every single day.  She was such a quiet and un-responsive baby that I had doubts and worries that I would ever love her as much as my son, her older brother—it is painful to write that down—in fact, I have never expressed that thought in any form before now.  What a horrible thing to say.  Not to mention the tacit guilt I suffer from ever attempting to compare or contrast my love for the two.  I suppose it’s a natural thing to do and of course I am amazed at how much love I have to give each of them.  It’s true what they say, that you can never run out.  I love both my kids.

                As a stay-at-home mom, my wife gets to experience ALL the highs and lows of raising children. Anyone who has children can testify truthfully that there are many highs and many lows…many, many lows; especially for a child with extra needs.  Between the doctor visits, physical therapy, speech therapy, dirty diapers, torn books, scratches, tantrums, school, and more; it can be a real struggle in working with our baby bear.  To top it off, I am a less than spectacular husband, supporter and listener to my noble wife. Why does she have to deal with my many, many lows too?  I love my wife!

As a working dad, many of the child-rearing lows are filtered out for me and my kids usually save their very best for when daddy gets home.  This is truly unfair; my wife knows it, and I sometimes know it, but I don’t complain.  Surely I get to experience the hard stuff, but it is much easier to digest in small bites rather than the heaping helpings that my wife is served all day every day.  Our daughter’s situation has been a struggle for both of us, and we both may not love it right now, but it is getting better every day, and God does not make mistakes. Giving us the responsibility for her care is just what God had in store for our lives—whether we thought we needed it or not!  She loves so freely, unconditionally, and deeply that I can no longer imagine my life without her in it.  And as I mentioned, it was her birthday on Saturday, and the following story is one of the highs that makes parenting so sacred and precious:

                My beautiful, wonderful wife, I love her so much!  She conspired with her mother to give our daughter one of our old iPods and a brand new docking station for her birthday.  Yes, my daughter is only three but my wife read somewhere that music is good for kids that struggle with hypo-sensitivity.  Like a living saint, my dear wife spent Friday night erasing my old red iPod of all the “worldly” songs and loading it with all of our daughter’s favorites.  Good-bye Snoop-Dawg, Usher, Akon, Bob Marley, Guns-N-Roses, Black-eyed Peas, and Justin Bieber (wait…how did he get on there?).  Hello Amy Grant, Hillsong, Chris Tomlin, Signing Times, Sound of Music, Miley Cyrus, and Justin Bieber (oh good, you came back!).  Apparently wiping your iPod and reloading it with specific songs is not as easy as it sounds and she asked me for help several times—but I was too busy drinking wine and playing my new Frisbee game App on the iPhone.  Husband of the year?...maybe 2012…

Anyhow, we awoke on Saturday morning to a gift opening extravaganza.  The docking station was cool, for a split second, but probably the least interesting gift amid a pink scooter, ceramic birds, three dollars cash, and the infamous empty boxes.  But I absolutely love music first thing in the morning so I couldn’t wait to try out her new gift.  Baby bear loves music in the morning too and this was not our first Dance Party, U.S.A. moment.  My son usually loves a good Moonwalk and Vogue routine, but he chose to join his mom for some peace and quiet time on this particular morning.  I quickly found myself alone in the living room with my baby bear, dancing to some new tunes at full volume.  I don’t think Nanna dropped a lot of cash on the docking station, so full blast was just right, even for mortals.

There we were, two dancing fools without a care in the world.  It was just me and her (and Justin and Miley).  Whether true or not, she led me to believe that there wasn’t another place on earth that she’d rather be than dancing and singing with her dear old dad in the middle of the living room on a Saturday morning on her birthday. It’s the kind of stuff that we dads live for.    

Like most two-going-on-three-year-olds, my daughter has a fascination with jumping and commanding others to jump with her.  Only, she can’t quite say the words right, so she says, “Nomp Da-Da, Nomp!”  Having spent a lot of beloved time dancing with my daughter, I understood her perfectly, “Jump Daddy, Jump!”  So there I was “nancing” and “nomping” with the most beautiful girl in the world.  We were having a moment…and that is when the tears started to form. 

I will unashamedly admit that it was not my first time listening to Miley Cyrus, but have you ever really listened to the words to “The Climb”?  Or have you ever listened to them while dancing with your daughter, the most beautiful girl in the world, in the middle of the living room, on a Saturday when it’s her 3^rd birthday?  Well, I highly recommend it. 

It’s not about how fast I get there

It’s not about what’s waiting on the other side

It’s the climb…keep the faith!

The words are really not as important as the fact that I was listening to a girl pour her heart out at the top of her lungs in a song while watching my own daughter pour her heart out in my living room with her best attempt at nancing and nomping.  Too cute.  I’m not even going to tell you about Justin and “One Less Lonely Girl”. Oh, did I mention she breaks my heart and refills it daily?  “Da-da, nomp!”

I felt so unworthy of and overfilled with love all at the same time.  What have I ever done to receive such unconditional love?  I know the answer: NOTHING.  I have done nothing to receive this love, yet she gives it any way.  Sure, on a scale of 1 to 10 most of my friends and peers would probably rank me in the upper quartile of fathering skills—and that feels good.  But, there are many days, hours, minutes, and moments where I would earn a 1 or 2 on this scale and there is no doubt in my mind that she would still love me freely and not think twice of showing mercy.  I know all you cynics out there are saying, “Yea, but she’s only three, give her time to build up some good resentment, before you know it she’ll be a teenager and conditional love is on its way”.  Well be gone naysayers, I don’t care!  My baby bear taught me a valuable lesson this weekend.  A lesson that my own Father in Heaven has been teaching me for years—if only I spent enough beloved moments dancing with Him in the living room so that I could understand his commands and feel his earnest expectations and unconditional love.  Though I’m not sure how he feels about Miley and Justin.

Dear Baby Bear,

You are wonderful.  God made you so special.  He knit you together uniquely while you were still in your mother’s womb and planted that song in your heart.  He has a plan for you—many plans!  As much as I love you, God loves you even more.  Wow!  I pray that your mommy and I are good stewards with the time in your life that God has given us to care for you.  I pray that our home is filled with the Holy Spirit and that we continue to teach each other the same lessons of unconditional love and grace that you taught me on your birthday this weekend.  That we love each other deeply and freely give and receive it—No Matter What!

Happy Birthday Se-Bear.  I love you.

-Daddy